Set up the fry station by placing a heavy pot on the stove and clipping on a deep fry thermometer. Fill with oil to about 2 inches in depth. Place a wire rack over a sheet pan for draining and line another tray with paper towels.

Preheat the oil over medium heat to 350°F (adjust between 340-360°F) to maintain crisp exterior and moist interior.

Mix dry ingredients: whisk cornmeal, flour, baking powder, salt, sugar, and garlic powder in a large bowl for 20 seconds to evenly disperse leavening.

Add aromatics: stir in minced onion and jalapeno if using, tossing to coat and prevent clumping.

Combine wet ingredients: whisk buttermilk, egg, and melted butter.

Make the batter: pour wet mixture into dry and fold with a silicone spatula until just combined. Batter should be thick and scoopable like soft cookie dough. Add 1-2 tablespoons more buttermilk if dry. Let rest 5 minutes.

Optional cheesy center: press a small mozzarella cube into a spoonful of batter and cover with more batter to enclose cheese.

Test fry: drop one ball with a 1.5 tablespoon scoop into oil. It should sink then rise with bubbles, turning golden in 3-4 minutes. Adjust heat if necessary.

Fry in batches: gently slide 6 to 8 balls into oil without crowding. Fry until deeply golden, turning once, about 3 to 4 minutes per batch. Keep oil temperature between 340-360°F.

Drain and hold: transfer to wire rack and then paper towels to drain excess oil. Move back to rack and keep warm in a 250°F oven until all batches are done.

Decorate eyeballs: let cool 2-3 minutes so sauce sets. Pipe a circle of sour cream or ranch on each ball, add an olive ring for pupil, and a tiny dot of hot sauce inside olive for effect.

Add veins: dip toothpick in hot sauce or ketchup and drag fine lines outward from pupil to mimic veins. Use a few wispy lines.

Serve hot on a platter with extra ranch and hot sauce cups for dipping.

Safety and cleanup: let oil cool fully, then strain through fine mesh sieve. Store oil up to one month if neutral smell and clear appearance. Keep covered in a cool, dark place.